RELATIONSHIP FUNDAMENTALS

Every relationship needs a good foundation in order to last and be happy. It's these building blocks at the base of a relationship that are the fundamentals and basics that are necessary to succeed with a partnership.

The 7 Fundamentals are:-

1) COMMITMENT.

"Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes, but no plans." - Peter F.Drucker

If you can show you are both committed to the relationship, it allows a strong foundation to grow and ensures you put the relationship before you own needs and wants.

2) COMMUNICATION.

"Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships." - Stephen R.Covey

The most common relationship problems stem from poor communication. Bottling up issues and feelings leads to arguments rather than discussions. You don't have to chat about feelings everyday, but should check in with each other to make sure your relationship is on track. Lack of communicating can take you on a path with less intimacy or closeness. So keep each other in your lives by talking and keeping the communication going.

3) COURAGE.

"Without courage, all other virtues lose their meaning." - Winston Churchill.

Having courage in a relationship is about the confidence you have to bring yourself into the relationship. To not falter and give up on yourself and face life together, without losing yourself along the way.

4) CONNECTION.

"This time when we kiss, I feel it in the pit of my stomach, I feel it in my heart. And I realise love isn't about sex - It's about connection." - Ellen Hopkins.

By having shown you are committed and communicating with your partner, already you have a connection with them. Keep the bond and connection strong between you by talking, knowing who they are and what they're about and being by their side in times of need.

5) COMPANIONSHIP.

"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

A relationship cannot survive with just love and intimacy. IT also needs a good and long lasting friendship. Partners need to like each other and enjoy each others company for it to work in the long run.

6) COMPROMISE.

"Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break." - Jane Wells.

Everyone is an individual and as a couple there will often be times that each person has a different solution or opinion. Learning to meet in the middle with your partner and compromise, will ensure it carrys on being a solid relationship. It takes practice and involves good communication, but by meeting half way, you avoid any neglect or one sided resentment.

7) COMPASSION.

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.Without them humanity cannot survive." - Dalai Lama.

To love you partner also involves the ability to understand them and listen and empathise. It is part of being caring and showing kindness to each other and ensures behaviour and treatment to each other remains good and balanced.

ARE YOU HEADING FOR DUMPSVILLE?

January is being deemed as National Divorce Month, because millions of couples don't make it through Christmas each year.
So as the festive season ends and the most popular time of year for being dumped approaches, here are my signs to tell if you're about to be dumped.....

• He's busy all the time. Quality time together suddenly declines and you find yourself becoming less of a priority.

• Only you do the calling. It has become one sided with the phone calls and you often have to leave a message.

• He says he's in one place but is really in another. People don't lie for no reason, so if he's fibbing about where he is then there's a reason for his deception.

• His friends are more distant with you. Friends often pick up on a relationship being over pretty quickly when someone wants out.

• PDA's are gone. You used to kiss and hold hands when you were out, but now you are lucky if you get as much as a peck on the cheek.

• New sex tricks crop up. If he suddenly starts showing some new moves in the bedroom, he's either avoiding a familiar emotional attachment with you ,or he's learning them from someone else.

• He's vague about the future. If he can't even make up his mind about next Wednesday, it could be because he's planned to have no future with you by then.

• He gives you a pat on the back. Being hugged by someone, who then pats you on the back is an indication they are uneasy.

• You can't do anything right. If they are picking fights over every little thing you do, then something bigger isn't right and they may be trying to get you to dump them.

• He has turned into a fitty. He used to wear your tracky bottoms around the house or wear yesterdays T-shirt again, but now he is suddenly going to the gym, buying Gucci suits, new Calvin Kleins and wearing more aftershave.

• No more nagging. This is for the boys and may sound counter intuitive, but if your girl suddenly stops nagging and criticizing you, it may be because she has given up on the relationship and therefore sees no further point in putting energy into nagging you.

None of these are good signs, but instead of getting paranoid and fearful, get smart! Write a list to yourself of all your strengths, your friends and all his weaknesses. then have the talk with your partner to find out exactly what is going on. If they want out you will already have a list of all the great things about you and his bad habits you hate and a friend support network, in order to keep you strong and get through the breakup.

RELATIONSHIP RESOLUTIONS

Come the 1st January, we all start making our New Year Resolutions, mainly about ourselves, our new diet, our new fitness regime or our bad habits we are getting rid of.
But we should also focus our energy on New Year Resolutions for the relationship we are in, as we may have overindulged over Xmas, but our relationships will have become malnourished in the process.


So here are some idead for your Relationship Resolutions for 2011.............


Have More Sex - The Xmas drought has been and gone, so it's time you both get back to the bedroom.


Hug More - Did you know 20 seconds of hugging can release a cuddle hormone called Oxytocin and makes intimacy greater for you both. Men need three times more hugs in order to get the same amount of Oxytocin, so get those arms wrapped around him!


Recommit - It can become too easy to take our other half for granted, letting life get in the way and assuming everything is fine. Remember your respect for each other and show your appreciation more.


Share New Hobby - Too much routine is definitely a passion killer, so find something new to do together, like a dance class or sport together.


I Love You - You may still say it everyday, but if it's over texts or from the kitchen while he's watching TV, then you need to connect better. Look into their eyes and say you love them and I guarantee you will be glad that you did!


Pitch In Around The House - This one is for the guys and trust me it's not just because you love her and should help more with housework. Researchers in the Netherlands found it can act as a link to female arousal, due to the relaxation and gratitude it brings. So I'll put it simply to you men...If you want more oral from your woman wash the dishes!

WHAT HIS XMAS PRESENT REALLY MEANS

So Xmas has been and gone for another year, but here's how to tell what your man really feels about you depending on what present he got you.

Slippers

Run now! He desperately needs a maternal figure and I'm pretty sure the last time you checked, you weren't his mother.

Home Appliances

OK, so yes your vacuum did break and yes you have had your eye on that new flashy red toaster, but that doesn't mean you want it as a xmas present, right? A man that gets you this type of needed, but not wanted, gift is simply a very practical and logical man. You need to take him by the hand and explain in plain English thanks, but more romance is needed from him, not Dysons!

Stocking Fillers

If you recieve personal small gifts, such as books and Cds, this is a good thing, as it shows he has actually thought about what you really like, who your favourite author is, or what you have been pining over. He is more likely to keep it up throughout the year too, you lucky girl!

Jewellery

Earrings, bracelets, etc can be fine and thoughtful, providing it is to your taste and he went out of his way to get what you like. However, if it is a ring of the non engagement and no proposal type, beware as he is trying to get you to stick around, but is on no way looking to marry you yet.

Lingerie

He obviously finds you sexy, however, if you never really wear lingerie and tend to sit around in your PJs or girl boxers, he may be trying to hint that your bedroom life needs more spice in it.

Perfume

If he buys your favourite then it shows he listens and is attentive. Scent is very important to humans and it can create more intimacy, so if he bought you something that smells like your Gran's loo or a hooker, then he couldn't care less about your personal wants or taste.

Holiday

If he is whisking you away for a break and some quality time together then let me tell you, don't let him go! It's the ultimate romantic gesture that most girls, including me, would give their right arm for!

Gadgets

OK, so it might not be mushy or heart shaped, but trut me a man that buys you the best ipod or new phone is a keeper! Why? Because since caveman began, men like to be the sole owner of cool gadgets and if he is buying you one, he is showing his admiration for you by sharing this ownership.

Shoes

This can depend if he gets it right or not. A man who can get the perfect fit, latest style and perfect shoe is clearly either gay or the most amazing man on this earth and definitely worth holding onto! A woman's relationship with shoes is sacred and if your man gets it right don't let go, however if he gets it wrong don't worry, just explain to him you are too picky at shoes.

HOW TO AVOID ARGUING AT XMAS

Every year thousands of couples break up due to the sheer stress and havoc the Xmas period can bring.

With so many problems rearing their ugly heads throughout December, it's no wonder relationships come under fire and people often rail road through December, forgetting to keep their relationships on track. Whilst this isn't enough to break a couple up, if you then add all the issues that Xmas brings, it can all too often end up in disaster.

The most important thing to do is sit down with your partner before December and chat about Xmas and what you want from it. Talk about where you want to spend Xmas, what budget you had in mind and what you expect from your partner, this way you will both be clear on what's ahead and be able to get organised with planning and letting family and friends know your plans.

So let's take a look at a few of the most common problems that can arise.....

Problem 1: Finances and Overspending.

If things aren’t talked through and planned properly, it can all be too easy for overspending to occur and arguments to start over the money problems that follow.

Solution: Do a Budget.

Sit down with your partner and plan out a spending budget for Xmas, including gifts, food, and alcohol. If you both live together then you should already be used to budgeting your finances for the household so make it the same for December.

Problem 2: Where To spend Xmas.

You're torn between whose family to please and so you end up leaving it until the last minute, making it a touchy subject between you both.

Solution: Decide in November.

Have a chat the month before about where you both want to spend it and compromise on what to do before the tension builds. By coming to a mutual decision early on you avoid the last minute stress and let down of others, including your partner.

Problem 3: Lack of Romance.

With so much going on, you find the only time you spend together is either with family or whilst drunk at parties, which can create distance between you both and lower the intimacy and romantic time you spend together.

Solution: Stay In More.

Don't go to the opening of every envelope! Just as you planned in advance the Xmas budget with you partner, you need to also plan which parties to go to and prioritise you partying. Whilst Xmas is the jolly time of year for going out more, don’t overdo it, as all the issues of being too drunk or spending too much on alcohol rear their nasty faces along with making sure you spend less 'alone' time together. People often spend all of December focusing so much on the festivities they forget to actually keep dating and loving each other. Go see a movie or have a romantic night in and you will find not only is your love life kept alight, but it keeps the lines of communication between you both running smoothly.

BREAK UP SONGS

The 13th December has been dubbed the most popular day of the year for being dumped, so if this is a heart breaking week for you here's a list of the best Breakup Songs for you to turn up the volume on and cry and shout your way to a mended heart...




ANGRY SONGS

• Black Eyed Peas - Shut Up.
• Evanescence - Call Mw When You're Sober.
• Kelis - I Hate You So Much Right Now.
• Green Day - Good Riddance.
• Eamon - Fuck It (Don't Want You Back)

SAD SONGS

• Toni Braxton - Unbreak My Heart.
• Jordan Sparks & Chris Brown - No Air.
• Guns n Roses - November Rain.
• Celine Dion - All By Myself.
• Roxette - Must Have Been Love.

EMPOWERING SONGS

• Christina Aguilera - Fighter.
• Destiny's Child - Survivor.
• Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Were Made For Walking.
• Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive.
• You're So Vain - Carly Simon.
• Cher - Strong Enough.
• Jessy - Look At Me Now.
• Britney Spears - Stronger.

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS AT XMAS

Relationships tend to suffer more at Christmas than at any other time of year and the main reason behind this is the stress and strain that the festive holidays bring.

To begin with there's all the organizing and arrangements to make for food, gifts and Christmas day itself which can up the stress levels, not to mention all the extra drinking and alcoholic tongue lashings that can take place.

The sheer financial strain we put ourselves through at Christmas can often lead to more arguments due to over exceeded budgets and unbalanced spending.

All this can then lead to less bedroom action and the romance button fully switched off, making us more distant from our loved ones.

Put all this together and you have a lot of stress, tiredness and confusion which naturally leads to a lot more tension between yourself and your partner.

So what to do?.....

Plan Christmas in advance by talking earlier with your partner about setting a financial budget to stick to, gift ideas and family matters. I know it may seem hard to believe but men actually can't read minds, so pre-empt what it is you want out of Christmas and tell him what you would like from him in December and what kind of Christmas you expect. Do you want help making the Christmas lunch or decorations? Do you need him to go and collect the family gifts? Don’t leave it all until the last minute then tell him what to do as it will cause tension and you will come across too bossy. By communicating early on you can ensure that you are both on the same page and ease the tension by knowing what you're both expected to take care of this Christmas.

If you do find that you're getting snappy as the pressure piles on try to apologize straight away and calmly explain why you're so stressed, maybe you need extra help with the shopping or card writing and by letting him know he will understand a lot more and be likely to help out rather than snap back.

If it's the perfect gift you want from him the simplest way for both of you is to create a 'Dear Santa' list to him with all the gifts you would love to receive, that way he can pick from the list and it makes it easier and less stressful for him and at least you can smile knowing you will be getting something that you really want.

Some of us hate having to do the whole visit relatives thing and put on that good impression whilst secretly wishing they would all just shut up and go away. If this sounds familiar then the best thing you can do is to not endure it alone. Stick together with your partner and explain before you attend any family event your worries and ask them not to leave you on your own. Perhaps come up with a time limit as to how long you're both going to stay at an event so that you can ease your minds and and not have to ramble your way through it all. If you have to go to a family event on your own then the best thing to do here is simply find your favorite family member (I.e. father, mother, auntie or drunk uncle who always hands out extra gifts) and stick with them all night. You don’t have to force yourself to speak to everyone so sit with your favorite and enjoy the evening with them instead.

Another sensible thing to do, and I know you're not going to like this, is to limit your alcohol intake and partying. It may seem hard but going to every event you get invited to is going to wear you out, not to mention all that alcohol will leave your body tired and dehydrated. More arguments can also ensue due to issues around each others drink fueled activities and rantings. By cutting down and selecting together just the important events you are helping yourself to reduce tiredness and stress levels too.

Remember Christmas is about relaxing and enjoying yourselves so don’t overdo it on the partying , talk and plan what your both going to do, set a strict budget and by missing those unimportant parties you also create time for just the two of you to reignite the romance.

TOP 10 REASONS MEN GO AWOL

1) Rebound - If he isn't over his ex yet ,chances are he wont be ready for a real relationship, so let him go and find someone who doesn't have the rebound bug.

2) Deal Breaker - You have committed one of his relationship sins without realising it, but if he doesn't like you for who you are he is simply not worth it anyway.

3) Status Anxiety - The Facebook status that says 'in a relationship' after just one date may prove too much too soon for the poor chap, so hold back on any status updates or bragging to everyone about your new 'boyfriend' until you both have the chat about where you are in the relationship.

4) Insecurity - He may have lost all trust in women due to a bad previous relationship, or been cheated on. Don't rush things and let him build up his trust in you. Patience is a virtue and you need to show him your there to stay and like him for who he is.

5) Those 3 Words - Saying 'I love you' too early in a relationship can cause it to turn on its head, so be careful muttering those words at the beginning. The sudden rush of a crush and lust can often get too confused with love in the early stages.

6) Genuine Number Loss - If you wrote your number down on his arm or a piece of paper, chances are he actually lost it. Men can be quite useless when comes to remembering numbers or where they put them. Make sure you both exchange numbers and save into your phones, that way if you haven't heard from him, drop him a text and take control.

7) He's a Player - Ah ,the serial dating addict. He makes you feel like your special and the only one he's interested in, when in actual fact he has about 2 dates a week and is enjoying playing the field too much. Let this one go fast!

8) Permanent Bachelor Boy - not to be confused with a player, they have been single pretty much always and whilst they like the notion of having a girlfriend they can't seem to turn that into reality for long. Don't waste too much time with these.

9) Science - Two people need chemistry to work and if it's just not there there's no point worrying, as its something that cannot be forced.

10) He's Just Not That Into You- Just like in the film, sometimes a guy can come across interested but then change his mind the following day. It's not your fault and nothing you have done, it's just a simple case of he wasn't that into you.

If you're having any of these AWOL issues, decide whether or not he's worth it and if it can be fixed.If not don't worry your pretty head and move on. Plenty more frogs out there for you to kiss in your search for your Prince.

BOYFRIEND WARS

The battle of the best boyrfiend is ALWAYS on. Yes us girlies really are that competitive!
We constantly compete with our other friend's  in the 'mine's better than yours' competition.
Have you ever noticed that whenever your beloved does something really nice for you, you take a mental note of what he's done so that you can bring it up with another girlfriend next time she's bragging about her boyfriend?
From being kids we all have been guilty at one point or another of saying the 'my dad's better than yours' speech, so it comes as no surprise that we do it with our fella's later in life.
Girls compete for almost anything, from better hair, nails, shoes and...boyfriends!
Our tactics come either directly ( face to face bragging), or indirectly (texts and facebook statuses).

Ways to Win the War:-
Girl 1: 'My boyfriend cooked tea for me.'
Girl 2: 'My boyfriend took me out for a fancy meal.'
Girl 2 wins.

Girl 3: 'We made love all last night.'
Girl 4: ' We had sex 3 times last night and I could barely walk he's that big.'
Girl 4 wins.

Girl 5: 'My boyfriend is taking me to Chester Zoo.'
Girl 6: 'Mine has booked a romantic weekend away.'
Girl 6 wins.

Whilst there is nothing wrong with anything the above boyfriends could have done, we still need our boyfriends to be better than our friends' boyfriends.
So come on boys, help your girlfriend out and getting booking that table or trip!